How, Ironic
by whenthestarsfall
Summary: What is irony? Simple. Its when you meet the man you've been searching for forever, only to be introduced to his beautiful wife.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: I don't own The Hunger Games.**

**And I know I'm currently writing my story, **_**The Art of Surviving**_**, but don't worry! I'm still on that, I just wrote this because the plot was in my head and I didn't want to lose it, so I hope you enjoy. **

**Edit from: 2/11/2012: Gale and Katniss reunion conversation.  
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I sit down, staring outside my window at the sky, the birds, the trees and the grass.

When have I ever been _this_ observant? Oh yes, how could I have forgotten. The day Peeta left me. The day Peeta said, "You know what, Katniss? I'm sick of this bullshit. I'm sick of your games. I'm done. I'm leaving." Well, he didn't actually say those exact words, but he was thinking it. Which is basically the same thing.

And, to be quite honest, I don't blame him. I predicted that it would happen a long time ago. It actually surprised me at how long he stuck around.

Now don't get me wrong, I love Peeta. Well at least I _loved_ Peeta, hell, I loved him enough to marry him and have kids with him right? But, I felt like… there was something missing.

Maybe it was because being married felt like, you know, like I was being held prisoner. That suddenly, I had these whole new rules and laws that I had to commit to. Then, as if that wasn't bad. Kids, well, I love my kids.

Lucas and Sienna are possibly the best outcomes that came out of this 'mess' (this may possibly be a wrong phrase to describe it)

Being a mother, I had new responsibilities. I felt trapped, and I know I sound selfish. (No need to tell me thanks, Peeta already gave me that lecture when he left) But I guess, I was just so used to being _free_. Living life on the_ edge_ and being _wild_. It was only Peeta who really tamed down.

Peeta, however, saw many problems. He expected me to be at home all the time. I had no freedom whatsoever; if I was inside the house minding the babies then I was outside grocery shopping.

He wanted to know where I was every single day. And it was getting annoying for my phone to be ringing every hour to find out it's just Peeta.

I sound vain, rude, selfish and vindictive. Yes, I know. But that's how I felt.

And I'm not going to lie.

Peeta, well Peeta, when I was with him. I felt like a different person, like I was on Cloud nine or something; I was in heaven when I was in his arms.

But paradise like that, yeah, it doesn't last forever.

He was too good to be true, and I knew this from the start. Love does that you see.

Well anyway, years after years, Peeta & I, we tried to make it work. We arranged someone to take care of the kids on Sundays while we left to go for dinner, but dinner was boring. It was so awkward and silent. I felt like I was being _forced_ to have conversation with him, when once, it came so naturally. I don't know what happened to us. But we became distant and cold.

And it's not like I didn't put effort or anything, because I did. I really did. I tried my hardest, because when I imagine me without Peeta. I don't know, it didn't seem right, it didn't make any sense.

We tried to make it work but, it just didn't. We just fell apart. And it hurt me too, not just him, but me.

But, according to Peeta, _he_ was doing all the work. _He_ was the one feeling trapped. _He_ felt like I still didn't know my feelings yet. _He_ thought that I didn't give a shit.

And he was **wrong**.

After that, you could say would be our first 'official' fight. Things became… different. We didn't talk, we fought more often because of the things left unsaid or because of the things that shouldn't have had said. Then, we would sleep in the same bed but looking the other way and then that changed into him sleeping on the coach. And then that changed to us having to split the house because we couldn't stand each other anymore.

But, like I said, I'm not going to lie. Those six years I committed myself to for Peeta were the happiest days of my life so far, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. No matter how much it hurt me. I wouldn't, not anything. Not even the fights.

I guess, we weren't mean to be with each other.

I remember the day he left me so vividly. I had waked up to a (very) clean house, and I was surprised. I thought that this was his way of saying sorry, for making it up to me. But my guess was so far-off that it made me laugh now that I think of it. Because when I had reached in my wardrobe to get my robe, my wardrobe felt quite empty. I shared with Peeta and I only saw my clothes.

And then I thought, wow, he must be really angry for him to move out all his clothes.

Then, I walked to the bathroom, and his toothbrush wasn't there anymore.

In panic, I went to kitchen – no sign of him there, no plates indicating he ate. And I rushed into the living room – there was empty CD sockets left for where he used to put his music for when he was painting.

And I was about to rush up to check the kids room when I saw him in by the doorway, with two bags and eyes that told me "I'm leaving"

We both froze there, looking at each other. I was waiting for an explanation, but secretly, I wanted him to drop the bags, laugh at me and say something like "Haha, I got you, Katniss!"

But, that didn't happen. Though in my mind it did, in reality, he sighed started explaining everything to me.

How our love became so unreal and unbelievable to something that was disappearing every day, he felt like it didn't even exist anymore.

He said that he knew I was sick of it, that I was tired more easily.

And then, he said about our fights. How he can't stand leaving me, because he loves me too much, but how it was for the best or else we'd both be unhappy.

And then before he left, he told me "Katniss, you'll never forgive me for saying this but… you push people away, don't you know realize that? You push people away when they try to talk to you, you push them away when they try to help or console you. You push people away so constantly that they don't bother coming back or else you push them so hard that you push them off this imaginary cliff. You build walls instead of bridges. You're selfish; don't even try to deny it. You're the type of girl who risks people's feelings just to see what would happen. And sometimes, you play when them too, just to see how long it will take for them to give up on you. It's funny, because at first I thought you wanted to see everyone leave you. Well, here I am. I'm leaving, Katniss."

And he opened the door and he walked off. He didn't say goodbye or anything. And I was still too shocked to speak, and when my brain finally registered what just had happened, I started screaming and shouting and crying and threw things all over the place.

Because what he said was true.

I had woken up the kids up and they started asking questions, like "Where's Dad?" "What's wrong?" They were so young and so confused, I felt so guilty for all the trouble they went through because of my mess. They were 10-11 years old that day. Peeta & I lasted that long, and I'm proud. Very proud.

But there was still things needed to be discussed, like the order of the kids and etc.

After a few weeks, he contacted me and told me that the plan for the mean time would be every second week- they were with Peeta.

We had a few conversations and talked normally. But there was something between us, and I don't think we could ever be the same again.

That order of the plan has been like that for years now. It's been three years, the kids are teenagers now. They're old enough to help me around the house, not to complain. To listen and so on, but I know that they hate the situation we're in.

Sienna, who is 14 year old, has a mix of a shade of brown and blonde from Peeta and me. She was like a very light brown but not light enough to be blonde, if that makes sense. She has striking blue eyes that could eat your soul and is very artistic; I'm guessing she got that from Peeta.

Then Lucas, who is the youngest and is only 13 year old, who had a very dark brown hair, probably from me, and green eyes, he loved the forest too. He and I go into the forest for an hour some days and I'd teach him how to use a bow and an arrow, nothing too dangerous though, just the basics. Sienna didn't take interest in those things, she did try once, but I think art and music are just her majors, and I don't care really. Whatever it takes for them to be happy.

They deserve it.

Peeta doesn't know, but those last words he said to me all those years ago still haunt me, I still think about it. Take now for example.

I know remember about how I pushed Gale too, I was so unappreciative of him, all those times he watched me with Peeta while getting food for both our families, I can't even imagine what he went through. And I wish I could fix things between us. I know it's not possible, because I have no idea where he is right now, I have searched. I took the train to District 2 and visited District 5 because there were rumors that he was there, but nowhere. He was nowhere.

I still live in District 12, it isn't very popular, it never was really, but I prefer it that way. I am familiar with my hometown and the kids don't see a problem with it too.

I want to fix things between someone, I need to prove to Peeta and too myself as well, that I am capable of building bridges. And I don't push people away. They just leave.

I tried looking for Johanna, and I have found her, in District 4. We don't really talk, but we have gotten better, she is still very intimidating when she wants to be. And I have asked her if he heard or seen anything about Gale. But she hasn't, I figured that she hasn't, but hey, it was worth asking…

* * *

><p>It's a really hot day today for some reason, well of course, the reason is that its Summer, but besides that, it is unusually hot. It isn't this hot in District 12, so I opened the windows for fresh air.<p>

Sienna is performing for me a music piece, one she had composed herself the other day.

I am so proud of her, I see a lot of potential in her, a lot of Peeta actually, and it doesn't bother me. It makes me smile actually; sometimes the similarities between her and Peeta are scary, but refreshing. Almost like talking to an old friend. And not as in a friend who is old. But a friend who you have known for a long time and haven't talked in ages.

She finishes her piece by a high note on her piano and smiles at me, "That was brilliant" I remark at her but I know this isn't good enough for her, this doesn't satisfy her. She pretends it does, I see. I know she wants to play professionally, to play for people whose opinions matter to everyone, not just her mother. Which I have told her that should not matter, that as long as I love it, then no one else should have a reason not to. She doesn't agree, though. She nods and shrugs, but I know that it hurts her. But school is important, I need her to study first before chasing her dream. It may be selfish but thats the only choice.

She mouths a thank you though and runs upstairs, probably to tell Lucas to come downstairs so she could play it for him.

The doorbell rings and I call Lucas to get it, I hear him groan from upstairs "Sieeeenaaaa! Mum says to go get the door!" He protests "No!" I hear Sienna shout from her room "She specifically asked you!" He stomps his feet down the stairs and towards the door. He opens the door and I can only hear distinctive talking until Lucas shouts for me.

I walk towards the door until I see him.

It's like seeing a familiar stranger, you know that you know him, except he looks so different that you question it.

Lucas raises his eyebrow in confusion and leaves to go upstairs, probably telling Sienna.

I walk closer to him but I don't say anything, because that's how we communicate, with silence.

"Catnip." he says, but doesn't move where he's standing, he's careful because I know what he's thinking. I am too, but I don't want to.

There is a silence again until he says "So... you're okay." and its not a question, its a statement.

_No, I'm not okay, Gale._

I don't answer him and I hear him sigh. We both know what we're thinking, well he does. And then they do come. The screams of my name as her innocent body burns, I'm calling her, I'm trying to help her, why can't I reach her?

_Was it your bomb__? _I hear my own voice asking him all that years ago. And its too much, the memories overwhelm me, engulf me as it chokes me and suffocates me and I close my eyes so I don't see him. But they're not going away.

_Stop it_.

I shake my head, _stop it stop it stop it!_

Your best friend for who you haven't seen for how many years, the only one left for you and you're going to push him away?

_It wasn't his bomb!_ I try to convince myself, but where are the proof they weren't? _Where are the proof they were?_

I'm fighting with myself, should I? I still haven't opened my eyes, not until I hear his voice sigh and his footsteps walking away.

This is it. Either I call him back for he's gone forever. He's not going to come back, Katniss.

So, barely audible that I'm amazed at how he heard me, I whisper "No. Come back. Stay, please."

And I close my eyes again, because I know he's gone, I know he didn't hear me. And as I turn to close a door, I turn to look at the sky again when I see him, and for what seems like a long time, I made a genuine smile. He hugs me, "Hello, Katniss."

And I hug him for a long time, hoping that all the nightmares go away for once.

Once we separate, we are in silence again, thinking of things to say, the unsaid things that should've been said and the things that were said and was best that wasn't.

"I missed you, Gale." I say, because I did, I mean I do. I need my hunting partner back, I need someone to look out for me again.

"I know" he says, and I look up at him because this hurt me, even though I know I have said this before, except he continues, something I probably should have done at that time "and I missed you too."

"Katniss, I want you to meet someone okay..." I hear him say, and I feel as if something broke inside me. Another _crack_. And I know that I am on the verge of falling to pieces.

And I am once the he calls out a name, she appears, full bangs covering her forehead, she has light hazel eyes, a button nose and a glistening smile, a smile that I now know why Gale loves her, why he chose her.

She doesn't even have to say anything, I know already.

But it just makes things worse once it escapes her lips.

"Hello, Katniss! I'm Julia Hawthorne - well soon to be, but does that matter?"

I may get sick on her, vomit on her as if I'm trying to vomit every bad thing that's happening. Trying to release and escape from everything, that's what I want to do. I don't, though.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: Someone sent me a review saying the reunion felt quite un-natural, and I agree but at the moment I have nothing else to write for the conversation, but I will edit that once my brain starts functioning.**

**I again don't own The Hunger Games. I wish I did though.**

**Edit: I've edited the Gale and Katniss conversation.  
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I don't reply because I'm too shocked to speak, Julia laughs at me "Oh I was like that when Gale proposed, truly beyond happy!" she looked up at him.

Oh, if she only knew what I felt.

I stand there, with my mouth open, I finally said "That's great" when I had found my tongue "I'm happy for you, really, come in..."

Julie makes a short chuckle and enters, she gasps. "Your house is amazing; do you live here by yourself?" She asks.

I shake my head "I, uh, live here with my kids. Sienna and Lucas." I tell her, she nods as she makes herself at home and sits down. She tilts her head over as if she's still waiting for me to continue.

There was an awkward pause until she asks me "And, your husband?"

Oh, so that's what she wanted to ask me. She wanted to shove it in my face that I was a single mother while she was out marrying a hunter. I see what you did there, Julia. Very smart, but not smart enough.

"Well, we're not together anymore." I reply to her obviously, "Oh, I'm very sorry, I hope I didn't go too personal" she replies quickly afterwards.

I wish she wasn't nice, and then I'd have a real reason to hate her.

"No, its fine, really!" I say uncomfortably, "So… how did you two meet?" I ask, hoping to move on.

"Oh!" She answers acknowledging "I didn't realize I was getting so side-tracked! Gale & I met the first time I had ever gone in the forest – I wanted to feel adventure, or that adrenaline rush that everyone's talking about it. And Gale – " she looked up at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek "had given me that experience." She smiled.

Well, no surprise there. It was your classical girl meets boy, boy meets girl, girl falls deeply in love with boy, boy is hesitant but falls in love, they kissed, claims that this is the real deal (oh, the many times I heard that before), becomes foolish and marries each other.

The end.

Okay maybe not, maybe I'm jealous. But I still don't like it.

"That's great" I tell her after she's done, hoping she doesn't sense the voice I'm putting on "really great, I'm so happy for both of you!"

Julie smiles and nods "yes, I was thrilled! I never thought that a guy like him," she looks over at Gale and pokes his cheek "would marry me! _Me_! Out of all the people! I had thought that you were kind of his type." She laughs.

My mouth opens again, "Well, h-how did you get that idea?" I nearly choke on my words.

"Well…" she starts off, explaining things by her hands "with the history two had and all."

I nod slowly.

"Anyway…" Julie trails off "the first thing I thought off was running in the woods after he asked, because, we could do it, you know." She looks up at him. "Leave the district. Run off. Live in the woods." But she looks back at me and shakes her hand as if as she was trying to shake the dream away "But, you know, that idea is so preposterous!" She laughs. Gale laughs along with her, "we wouldn't make it 5 miles, and you'd scare the food all away." And kisses her on the nose.

I feel my whole body freeze, my head up to my toes. I can feel the tension everywhere around my skin, I'm getting goose bumps because I know I've heard those words before, I'm certain.

I cough slightly and laugh awkwardly along with them.

Julia was about to open her mouth, when we hear shouting coming from upstairs.

"Lucas, seriously? Just _go_ down stairs if you're so curious! And then tell me afterwards," I hear the familiar voice of Sienna.

"But why is it always _me_? Why don't _you_ go downstairs? And then tell _me_ what they're talking about, huh?" Lucas' voice raises.

"Must I do _everything_ by myself?" Sienna replies back at him.

"Well, ladies first!" Lucas snarls back at her.

And I look around at the expressions of Julia, and especially Gale. They are both looking at me in confusion. I look at Gale and turn away immediately, I know he wants an explanation.

"Aye! We can hear you, you nosy brats! Now come down stairs and introduce yourselves!"

There is no reply from upstairs except sighs and "This is all your fault" from Lucas.

They both slowly walk down stairs, taking their time until they come in the living room.

I both give them death glares that say "speak now or die when they're gone"

Lucas gives a cough "Hi, I'm Lucas. I'm the son of Katniss & Peeta Mellark. Now, who are you?"

He is close enough for me to give him a slight kick; he coughs again "I mean, what are your names?"

Sienna rolls her eyes and says something under her breath. "Hello, I'm Sienna Everdeen, I like to use my Mum's name because Mellark doesn't go with Sienna." she waits for a response but continue on smiling at both of them. That's Sienna for you, I have no idea how she manages to just say stuff out of the blue that are completely irrelevant and doesn't feel embarrassed at all.

Julie is the first to reply "What a pleasure to meet you guys! I'm Julia Hawthorne, well – to be." She squeals and shows Sienna her ring. Sienna doesn't know how to respond except smile back.

Lucas takes no interest in it, however and Julia looks over to him "Hello, Lucas, you look quite like your mum." She says looking back at me and then to him. "How would you know if you've never met my dad, though?" Lucas replies back at her and Julia opens her mouth to answer but ends up just shutting it.

"Hey, Sienna, I'm Gale. I'm a very close friend of your mum."

Sienna nods, and Gale looks over at Lucas too. "Gale? That name sounds famil - oh yeah! Mum talks about you sometimes, from her past hunting days, you know, the days she was okay to hang out with in public? I wish I saw her like that, was she cool? I heard she was one of the best hunters, is that true?"

Gale laughs at this, "well, I'll tell you something." He leans in and whispers something into Lucas' ear, something I am dying to hear but keep calm about it. Lucas laughs at whatever Gale says and looks back at me "I approve, Mum." He nods at me, I raise my eyebrow in question "I mean, like, Gale is alright. I understand why you were best friends."

_Were_. Must we really use that word?

Sienna and Lucas both walk off as if on queue.

Julie starts talking once they both leave, "so… back to the reason, we're here… well… I want you to be my maid of honer!"

I pause a little because I don't know how to react. Should I? I should. I should because I at least owe him this much, he deserves to be happy. I mean, I want him to be happy. Except _I _want to be the reason. Am I that selfish?

This is why I hate owing people.

Is she really expecting me to sit there smiling watching Gale marry someone else? _Love_ someone else? Do _they_ expect me to be _genuinely_ happy for them? I want to. But given the history we had…

What am I going to do? Not say anything? What happens when the priest asks if anyone has a reason why the two of them should not be married? How am I going to restrain myself?

Then I glance over to Gale. Whose eyes are piercing through me, I know he knows what I'm thinking. He knows.

And then suddenly, something overwhelms me, flashbacks of me and Peeta are everywhere. As if my brain is trying to send me a message… but…

And then it clicks, I understand now.

Because while I was kissing Peeta in the arena.

While I was telling everyone how much I loved Peeta.

When I was ready to sacrifice my life for Peeta.

When I did anything I could to save him.

When Peeta told everyone we were married.

And had children.

_What was Gale doing?_

What was he feeling? Is he feeling something familiar to what I am feeling?

Even though I don't want to, I need to. So I give Julia a short nod and reply to her "Yes" and give her a long glance, observing this girl who was about to marry Gale.

_I've done it now. I've officially lost the only two people in the earth who probably would have done anything for me._

How did it end like this? Not to Julia marrying Gale. But to Peeta leaving me, as well. How? How I could I have been so stupid not to realize that my marriage was falling apart?

I mean, I did. I noticed. I _tried_ to keep it together, right?

But that's the thing. I just _tried_. When I should have done everything in my power to save it.

And now look at me, there is no longer anything to save. Or rather, anyone.

It seems like Julia was talking while I was thinking and I blankly look at her. "Sorry, what?" I ask her and she doesn't hesitate to tell me again, she doesn't even sigh or rolls her eyes.

"Oh, sure, well maybe the day after tomorrow? I'm quite busy tomorrow."

I reply to her question.

_I'm not really busy_.

I just need a bit of time to think, space all by myself a bit to accept the change.

Julia nods "Yes, yes I understand, well we'll drop down the next day! See you soon, Katniss."

I smile and return the nod "You too, Julia."

Gale doesn't move though, maybe it was just a long habit of him to stay with me.

_No, that's stupid Katniss_.

Because he gives Julia a kiss on the cheek, and I'm sure he told her that he wants to talk to me alone.

Julia returns an understanding smile and walks out.

I don't want to look at him directly in the eyes, afraid of what I might see.

Anger?

He has every right to be.

Except he approaches me, he sits down right in front of me and I can now feel his breath and stare on me. So I do what I usually do and look down.

"Please, Katniss, do it for me." Gale says, and I can hear the real him. Or maybe because I've spent practically half my life with him that I know what he's feeling simply by his voice.

"I am" I whisper and look into his eyes, and just for a second I see the boy who accused me of stealing from one of his traps. And it physically and emotionally hurts me how all that was wasted, those years of trust and friendship. Gone.

Except Gale knows me awfully too well that he already knows that I'm not really wholeheartedly wanting to so he ignores this and continues on. "I waited for you." His voice now with no emotion so he can hide his emotions, something he's so good at but something I've gotten used to.

_He's angry_.

"So you have no valid excuse not to come." He tells me and stands up and repeats again "_I waited for you_. And I know what you're thinking. I know you're not happy. You don't approve of Julia."

I don't answer because he's right, but I do approve of Julia. Not that my opinion matters but at least he's marrying someone that's nice and…

"Don't lie to yourself." He tells me again as if he's reading my mind and bends over to me "She makes me happy, Katniss. Something I haven't been after you, so don't you dare ruin it for me."

That stung, what did he think I was going to do? Jump on top of Julia and demand Gale marry me?

"What do you mean?" I ask him though, because I have no more energy to yell or shout.

"I mean… don't make me feel bad."

_Oh._

"Don't make me feel like I should've picked you. That I should've waiting longer." He grits at me.

"_Don't_ make me love you. Because I've finally found someone who can make me happy and it's not you. Do you know how happy that makes me feel? That I've finally gotten over you? That I can officially say truthfully that I don't need you anymore. That I can live without Katniss Everdeen. Because I watched you and Peeta in the arena and off-screen. Did you know how that made me feel, Katniss? Do you? I watched the person I love, love someone else. And I accepted it." Gale tells me, and as he walks away he turns back at me, his voice quite softer "Now it's your turn."

I feel a bit of anger bubbling inside me, not just on this, but on everything else and I know I'll regret taking my anger out on him but I need to release everything.

"What do you expect from me Gale?" I don't shout, but I ask it him harshly "I _am_ happy for you! How do you know what I'm feeling? What gives you the right to say what I don't and do feel, huh? Yeah, you waited for me and I'm so sorry okay! But I am happy! Really absolutely, over the top trilled for both of you! Why can't you just accept that!" This time I really shout. Except I'm asking myself this, not him and I know he knows that too so he just opens the door and leaves.

* * *

><p><em>How did it end like this?<em>

I asked myself that question over ten times after Gale and Julia had left and I can't find a logical answer, because it all links to one person.

**Me**.

I'm the type of girl who's selfish enough to push people away, assuming that they will come back. I build walls that I expect people to go past.

That's what Peeta said.

And I guess now I can see why he left, I understand and I don't blame him.

I pushed them _too_ far. That's what I do; I think that they'll come running back to me.

Except they didn't.

_They ran away_.

What am I going to do?

A familiar question I swear I've heard myself ask before.

And then, something Gale told me earlier answers the question for me.

_Accept it._


End file.
